As I look back at my own childhood I often reflect on the lessons that I have learned through others. Those individuals who have guided me throughout my life have been the giants that have let me stand on their shoulders. But those giants did not just simply pick me up and place me on their shoulders, they demanded for me to climb up and stand tall. I often struggled during my climbs and many times I came close to falling down, but they always cheered me on and guided me through the long climbs. Those giants taught me many lessons in life, lessons that often did not make sense until I was done with my climb. When I finally reached their shoulders and was able to stand tall, I then was able to see the bigger picture and everything became clear.
As a mentor we are often seen as giants in the eyes of our mentees, but as giants sometimes we often forget how it once was to be the little guy trying to climb up to the shoulders of the giants in our lives. As a giant myself I often ask the following question, how can I cultivate my mentoring capacity in order to have a lasting impact? How can I use my own experiences as the little guy to guide my mentees to the shoulders of their own giant? The answers that I have come up with lead to more questions that often stray from the main path, but they ultimately always lead you to the same end point, the shoulders of the giant.
The articles that I have read have helped me better understand the role of a mentor. They have also helped me realize the different aspects of mentorship as well as the differences and similarities between a mentor and a role model.
During my quest in finding answers to my questions I often reflect back on my own experiences, experiences that have guided me throughout my life. These experiences have also led me to experience some failures and those failures have lead me to learn. It seems that I have taken away more from my failures than my successes. As a young mentor I have noticed that not all my experiences can be applied to all my mentees. I have found during my quest that each mentee has a unique case that needs to be addressed in a unique way. As I look back at my experiences in the past school year I often see a pattern; a pattern that is not a pattern. What do I mean with that?
We often try to place everything in a one size fits all mold, but the reality is that no matter how similar the experiences between a mentor and a mentee are, they will always have their own unique twist to them. Once I realized that no matter how similar the situations are they will still have their own unique twist, I then was able to better understand the issues of my mentees. At the beginning of the school year I had a goal, my goal was to move beyond just advising. I found that just advising can be very helpful, but without actions the advice was just an empty promise.
I started my year knowing that many of my students needed some sort of mentor in their lives, but I quickly came to the realization that being a mentor is not about actively seeking a mentee to help. I realized that the important part of being a mentor is to let your mentees seek you out as their mentor. Many times we want to be the savors, we want to solve the problems that trouble our mentees, but we must also understand that our mentees have to feel comfortable enough to approach you with their problems. At the beginning of the school year I found myself in a situation where the mentee sought me out, but not in a direct way.
It was a typical Thursday morning and I was getting ready for my workday, I opened my email as I often do once I get to work. I read through most of my emails and quickly realized that I had a parent teacher conference. I thought it was going to be the normal conference, so I looked up the student on my grade book and printed out a copy of his grades in my class. I went to the conference which was in the guidance counselors office (it was not typical to have it in the counselors office, most of the time we would have it in a conference room or a teachers classroom). As I entered the office I noticed the student and the two parents, but I quickly saw something that brought up a red flag. The two parents were in the opposite side of the room and the student was sitting next to the mother with his head down. As we waited for his other teachers to arrive, I introduced myself to the parents. Once all of the teachers arrived we started the meeting. The meeting was about whether or not the student (a senior) will be able to realistically graduate. As we started to discuss the situation, I was sitting back listening to what everyone had to say. The student was credit deficient as a senior and needed to make up a couple of classes. As I listened to the guidance counselor, I came to the conclusion that the counselor saw no hope for the student and was not really putting too much effort into helping this student out. She wanted to take the easy way out and give him the GED option. The mother of the student was very quick to accept the easiest way out for her child, but the father (a retired army serviceman) was not very happy about the option. He quickly made it clear that he wanted his child to graduate high school. He stated that he had similar issues when he was in high school, but because of one of his teachers (ironically his Spanish teacher) he was able to graduate and go on to join the military. The mother was very docile and did not seem to care too much, instead she supported the GED option and was telling her child that it would be okay if he dropped out and got his GED. Obviously by this point I was aware that the parents had different philosophies and believes. As we sat and listened to the options the counselor suggested and alternative route. She made us aware of a new program that our school was trying out. This program was called PLATO a credit recovery computer program that allowed for students to make up their credits at an accelerated pace. The mother was not convinced that her son was capable of doing it and neither was the counselor, but the father was very interested in the program and saw the possibilities. As we went back and forth between the counselor, the mother, and the father, I saw the need to step in.
I noticed that the problem was no longer the child graduating (in fact, the child did not have much say in the meeting), but it was now an issue of whether which parent had the best option for the child. I told the parents that I would make sure that their child stays on track if they chose to keep him in school and work on the credit recovery program. The child, up to this point was not saying much until I asked him what was that he wanted. I asked him what his aspirations were and what he wanted to do with his life. I then explained the pros and cons of graduating with a GED or an actual diploma. Once I explained those things to him, I then went on to tell him and his parents a little bit about my own struggles and how I overcame them. The child reacted in a positive manner, he wanted to go to college and get a degree in computer design. He obviously knew what he wanted but was stuck in a tug of war between his parents. I told him that I will do anything possible to help him as long as he commits to completing his missing classes through the PLATO program. He then told me that he was already overwhelmed with his current schedule and that he would not have time to complete the classes and maintain the B average that he needed to graduate. Again I reminded him of some of my own struggles and told him that he could do it as long as he commits to staying in school. He reluctantly agreed to “try it out”.
At this point I took my mentorship to a new level; I went from advising to the proactive aspect of mentorship. Every week I would get his grade report and we would meet to discuss what was going on in his classes. He struggled through his math class but I was able to find him a tutor and he eventually started doing better. Midway through the school year we had a setback, one of my students and one of his best friends committed suicide. This particular student was one of the students that was helping him with his math and through that process they became very good friends. At this point my mentee was very depressed and wanted to give up in school. He took off school for a couple of weeks and was falling behind. When he returned to school, he was very depressed and did not want to continue, especially since his friend was in most of his classes. He just could not concentrate because he was constantly reminded of his friend. I tried to help him through this, by explaining to him that when I was in high school, I too lost someone, my little brother. He and I now had something else in common, we both experience the lost of someone that we loved and cared about. With time he started smiling again and his grades started to come up again. Towards the end of the school year he was working on his own and he now was on track to graduate. Michael recently graduated high school and has now inspired his father to go back to school and work on his AA. As I was doing my research at the public library, I ran into his father and he told me the following; “When I was in high school, I was in a similar situation that my son was in”, he said “if it wasn’t for my Irish Spanish teacher I would have never made it through high school”. He was very thankful for me pushing his son to graduate. This was a lesson for the both of us, as a mentor I learned that in order to be a good mentor one must go beyond the call of duty, as my own mentors have done for me. I have also learned that mentoring is not just about giving advice, but it’s also about following through and allowing the mentees to spread their wings. Just as I have experienced with my own mentors, one must also allow the mentees to choose their own paths. Even if the path is not always the best, a mentor must allow their mentees to deviate and learn from those experiences as long as they end up on the shoulders of their own giant.
During the same time that I was helping Michael, I felt the need to help others in the same way, but once again I learned an important lesson. I had another student who since last year I have been trying to help. This particular student came to our school from Kentucky; he was a polite young man with a lot of ambitions. He has had many drawbacks in his life, but he was intelligent and a well behaved young man. Prior to coming to Ocala, he was involved with many bad things (drugs, crime, and violence), that often got him in trouble. His first year at our school I tried to get him involved in sports. He finally joined the football team, but was quick to quit because he had a problem with authority. He was one of those kids that did not have a father around, so he sought out the streets for guidance. The people that he associated himself with taught him everything about the “streets” and because he was an intelligent young man, he learned quickly. This made him a perfect candidate for the streets and the life of a hustler.
Back in Kentucky he was involved in a gang shooting from a deal gone bad. His mother feared for his life, so she sent him to Ocala to live with his aunt. Like I said earlier, he was well behaved and well mannered during his first year at our school. He was a typical teenager, chasing after girls, trying to fit in, and with a care free attitude. When the new school year began he was a little different and I noticed the difference right of way. As I was trying to help Michael, I decided that I would do the same for him. The difference between him and Michael was that he was on track to graduate and he just needed to keep his grades up. Early on the school year he was already failing some of his classes and so I decided to take advantage of the situation to help him get on the right path. I had the guidance counselor send me his grade report on a weekly basis and I also met with him once a week. He was very good about showing up and meeting with me on a weekly basis, but I quickly noticed a rapid change in him. The last morning that we met, he came into my classroom looking very sleepy and his speech was very slurred. I asked him what was going on and he told me that he had hurt his back and was taking some pain medicine that was making drowsy. Since it was early in the morning I figured that he would soon wake up and be back to normal. We continued to talk about his grades and what he needed to do in order to stay on track. After we finished talking about his grades, he told me that his ex-girlfriend from Kentucky had called him and told him that she had given birth to his baby. He was very concerned because now he would have to choose between going to college and finding a job after high school to support his baby girl. I told him that he needed to finish high school if he wanted to be able to provide for his baby in any way. After our conversation I bought him some breakfast and sent him on his way to class. While he was walking to his first period class he fainted and was taken to the nurse. The nurse noticed what I had noticed earlier and asked him what was going on, he then told her the same thing that he told me about hurting his back and taking pain killers. This brought up a red flag and the school resource officer was brought in to investigate. They searched him and did not find anything on him, but they did find out that he had taken the pain killers from his aunt and was abusing them. He was suspended from school for being under the influence of drugs. During the week that he was suspended he was arrested for trying to sell marijuana to an undercover officer. This particular child was one that I could not help. He had so much potential, but had no guidance. The only thing that he knew was the street life. He was one of those kids that was on the edge and did not know how to deal with the realities of life and its’ consequences.
As I reflect back on the above situation, I often ask myself; what could I have done better to help this child? What drove this child to go back to his old ways? What happened in this child’s life that made him think that he did not have any other option? Sometimes as a mentor we often think that we can save each and every child that comes to us with a problem and often we can do something to help, but in the case of Jerry, he did not see a different alternative. He went back to what he knew, he went back to what he thought was the best way to solve his problems. For every Michael in this world, we have a million more Jerry. Not every child sees the possibilities that they have and that is why every child needs a giant in their lives.
As I continue my research I have found that often kids confuse a mentor with a role model and vice versa. In the case of Michael he was not seeking for either one, but in his quest to finish high school, he found a mentor. As for Jerry he was seeking something, he was seeking a role model, just like he had in Kentucky. The problem with Jerry was that he had already established his perception of a role model without truly understanding that what he was in search for was a mentor. The following passage will explain the differences between the two concepts.
The following quote is a quote that I found very interesting and helpful in distinguishing the differences between a “role model” and a “mentor”. “A role model is defined as one whose life and experiences provide a concrete image of who a younger person can become. By contrast, a mentor is someone who lends guidance and support to enable the young person to become whoever they choose to be. If the role model’s message is “Be like me,” the mentor’s message is “I will help you be whoever you want to be”. This particular view was taken by the authors from The forgotten Half, p. 169.
A lot of times people often confuse mentors with role models or role models with mentors without knowing the differences between the two. The above quote makes the difference between the two very clear. A role model is someone who in essence is a model, someone who people want to emulate, someone who it is often portrayed in the media outlets as someone of moral character and integrity. This perception is one that can be misleading and often stressful because of the fact that we are all individuals and no matter how hard we try to be like someone else, eventually our own personalities shine through. In fact a lot of times people often incorporate the concept of a role model with the concept of a mentor.
The best definition of a mentor that I have seen was described in the above quote “a mentor is someone who will help you become whoever you want to be”. What I got from this particular piece of the paper was that a role model can be a heavy burden to carry, where a mentor is someone that has made the life mistakes and has learned from them. A mentor is not a flawless person or someone that is considered perfect, but a mentor is someone who has experienced many different aspects of life and has learned enough from those experiences that they can relate to the things that a mentee could be going through. A mentor is not someone that a mentee should model their lives by, but they are people who can guide you in the right direction so when you reach those cross roads in life, you can then be prepared to make the right choices. And even if you do not make the “right” choice, you can always learn from it because of the tools that a mentor has prepared you with.
As a whole the paper goes into details about the different aspects of mentoring such as, teacher mentors, community mentors, and organizational mentorship. One thing that these categories have in common is the human aspect, if the human aspect is not present, none of the above categories would not be effective. When it comes to mentoring one must understand that it is a human and social based concept. Mentoring is a natural process that has been seen and used from the beginning of human society. No matter how much research is conducted, it comes down to the interaction of two individuals; one of the individuals typically has more experience than the other and therefore can offer guidance and advice.
The above leads into a different aspect of my research; should we consider ourselves mentors or role models? Often we put much emphasis on being a role model. We want those who look up to us to become our protégés, our apprentices, our disciples, but we often forget that no matter how much our mentees want to emulate us, they also want to be individuals. Throughout our history we often see those we teach, surpass our own legacies, not because we have done such a great job at teaching them, but because they often want to stand out. They want to be seen as individuals in our society. This explains why the image of a role model often changes in society and what was once considered the “perfect role model” often becomes obsolete. Take this for example; once upon a time we considered smoking cigarettes an acceptable social activity. Our culture was saturated with billboards of cool Joe camel or even the legendary cowboy riding off into the horizon with his cigarette lit and his stallion galloping towards the falling sun. Those were considered “role models” at an earlier time in our history. Now we do the opposite, we have anti smoking commercials and we spend millions in advertising to try to undo the damage that the so called “role models” have done. The words role models are words that change meaning with time and generations. The media and society continue to place the label of role models on anything that seems to be in fashion. Another example would be professional athletes or politicians. We often idolize these individuals until they do something wrong, but by the time we are able to retract the label that we place on those individuals, the damage is already done. The problem with a role model is that they are portrayed as the “perfect” example of whom you should be like and that in itself is wrong. A role model is a concept that has been misused and misconstrued by the media and our society as a whole. Yes, it is a nice concept in a perfect world where everyone can be the same, but in the world we live in today, it could be a concept that in the psychological sense could seem bipolar. The idea of a role model should be taken lightly. We often focus on the exterior perceptions of what a role model is, but we often forget that those who we call role models are also human and therefore they are not without flaws. That is why we often are disappointed by those who we call role models.
When we talk about mentors, we don’t say “be like them”, a matter of fact we don’t even notice the impacts that a mentor has had in our lives until after the fact. A mentor does not ask a mentee to be like them, in fact they often tell their mentees not to be like them and not to make the same mistakes as them. A mentor does not seek to be idolized or worshipped, they simply want others to learn from them and become productive members of our society.
The word mentor derives from the Greek mythology of Mentor, Odysseus’s trusted counselor, under whose disguise Athena became the guardian and teacher of Telemachus (Definition and word history from The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition copyright © 1992 by Houghton Mifflin Company). The word itself has been used widely in literature ever since the mid seventeen hundreds. A mentor as we know today has remained the same since its conception in Latin. The concept of mentorship is an ageless concept, a concept that has not change, unlike role models, which changes depending on the time and society that we live in. A mentor to me is someone who is willing to learn from their mistakes and shares their experiences with others in order to help them avoid making the same mistakes. A mentor is not a person without flaws, but a person that is willing to learn and adapt no matter how many times they fail. Maybe that is why we don’t see mentors on big billboards or on television commercials, because they have flaws and they are constantly learning from them. A mentor teaches and advices those who are in situations similar to theirs. A mentor is willing to let people know that they are not perfect and that the paths that they have taken in life may not be the best path. A mentor does not wish to be in the spotlight, but often they rather see their mentees have success from behind the scenes. A mentor is willing, just like a mother bird, to allow their mentees to leave the nest and spread their wings. And just like a mother bird experiences, sometimes it make take a while for their baby birds to take flight. If we don’t fall when we are learning how to walk, how will we ever know how to get back up and learn how to run. But unlike the mother bird, a mentor is always there alongside their mentees, guiding them, but at the same time not telling them which path they should take. A mentor makes suggestions based on their own experience, but it is up to the mentee to choose their own path.
The above statement leads me to the next part of my research; should a mentor be a member of the nuclear family, or should a mentor be someone who is not a direct member of the family? The following is research that indicates who theoretically should be a mentor and why.
The following article was titled Reframing Youth: Models, Metaphors, Messages. This article was a research prepared for the Frameworks Institute by Axel Aubrun, Ph.D. and Joseph Grady, Ph.D. and commissioned by the William T. Grant Foundation. It begins by dividing the research into what they call “frames”. Each frame focused on a particular aspect of today’s teens and their needs. They began by stating that teens want to be recruited and that teens need connections. The article goes in details about how throughout the history of cultures young people have always been taken in by an adult and had been taught the “way” of the people. It also points out the fact that most other cultures recognize teenagers’ need for mentoring from an adult outside the nuclear family; this concept has been lost in the American consciousness. It brings up several points on the idea that virtually all human societies adolescents are recruited and mentored at some point by authority figures other than their parents.
It continues on to say that the emphasis on parental responsibility is counterproductive in two ways; first it changes the role of social context beyond the nuclear family in a teen and the second point illustrates that there is reason to doubt that parents “can” be as much of an influence as many contemporary Americans would like them to be. The article goes on to say that teenagers are probably predisposed to look beyond the nuclear family for mentoring; in other words restating the point that teens look for the opportunity to be “recruited” into a group that gives them a satisfying sense of identity. They go on to say that the adult population as a whole bears a responsibility for giving teens a degree of attention, input and guidance. This is reinforced by the following “the job of adults is to provide context, either by “adopting” individual teens, or by supporting institutions that offer guidance to teens.
The article goes on to say that teens want to be discovered by capable adults capable of taking a mentoring role. The article states that in our typical media teens are often portrayed as loud and conspicuous, but that in fact teens do everything they can to avoid standing out. Even when they do everything to become “invisible”, they still crave validation from a worthy authority. It reinforces the above concept by reassuring the reader that even though teens may come across as passive and stand-offish, they would rather wait to be recruited, than actively to seek out a mentor. They go on to explain that when positive mentoring from outside the family is not available, teens will often look elsewhere for recruitment, therefore allowing the wrong type of people to mentor them. With this in mind they imply that it is the responsibility of the parent to approve a “suitable” mentor for their child.
The research continues by breaking down the different aspects of the typical teen as it is portrayed by the media and society. It shows us the positive things about today’s teens in comparison to the teens of the yesteryears. It also humanizes the teen in its physical and cognitive aspect and it gives us the reader a deeper understanding of a teenagers’ life. It depicts the positive traits of a teenager from an almost anthropological view as well as a socio-cultural aspect. They reinforce all the misconceptions and misunderstandings about teens by making the following point, “what they are today is not what they will be tomorrow”.
The researchers in the article agree that adults have a vital role to play in forming teens. They go on to say that teens can be seen as unfinished sculptures or even as saplings that are straightened at the stakes, meaning that they can be looked at in different ways but at the end they will always go back to the core values that were taught to them.
I found this research very interesting because it gave me a better understanding to the people that I am trying to mentor. The details explained in this research helped me develop a better understanding of the “person” not just the issues that surrounds the “person”. Although the research itself seemed like it was more geared towards understanding teenagers it also gave me insight in understanding what a mentor should be. In order for one to be a mentor one must understand the mentee as a whole. One must place all prejudice and prejudgments aside and accept the individual as an individual. One must have a clear understanding of the individual as a whole, not only from an academic point of view but also from a socio-cultural and humanistic aspect. A person does not need to be a psychologist nor an anthropologist to be a mentor, but a person must be a person. A mentor (with good intentions) should follow their human intuitions and should allow themselves to become understanding of their mentees issues and concerns, no matter how big or small they may be. We often tend to look for quick answers and solutions to problems without truly comprehending what the issue is truly about. The research made one thing clear to me, teens are constantly looking to be recruited and accepted by an authority figure, but that does not mean that they want you to be their parents, they just want to learn from someone with a different life experience.
As a mentor I often seek for answers to the many issues that my mentees face in their everyday lives, but as I continue on with my research I find myself trying to piece together the answer to my own question. How can I cultivate my mentoring capacity in order to have a lasting impact? It seems to me that I may have many different answers to my one question, but at the same time it is an unfinished puzzle. It is an unfinished puzzled because no matter what the outcome of the relationship between a mentor and a mentee is, the next mentee will have very different issues and problems.
When I look at a mentee I often try to figure out what the core issue is, no matter how different their experiences are from my own, you can always find a similarity. Whether you are using your own experiences or the experiences of those who mentored you, you can always find a common ground. The ability of a mentor to draw from their own experiences or the experiences of those before them is what makes a mentor a mentor. As the saying goes it takes a village to raise a child, I would dare to say that it takes a village to mold a young person’s mind. The following is a response to three very different articles that I have read in the quest of finding the answers to my own question.
As I read through my three selected articles I noticed that each article was specific to the author’s experiences. Each article shed some light into different aspects of mentoring. Each article had its own plethora of information on what the author thought mentoring “should be” but it was very clear that they were written to address their own particular experiences and dilemmas. This made it very difficult to pin point a topic that was directly related to my own research question and therefore I elected to write about all three of them.
The first article titled “The Power of Social Support: Mentoring and resilience” was the best of the three in relations to my research. This article started with a quote from Isaac Newton “If I have seen further, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of a giant”. This quote speaks a lot of how the author perceives mentors and mentoring as a whole. The article was written by Angelique Day and it talks about her own experiences and how mentors in her life helped her overcome so many obstacles. She describes her childhood experiences as a troublesome and traumatic childhood. She explains in details the life that she had as a child, from a suicidal mother, a father that left her and her siblings, to the triumphs of her personal and professional life. She explains her first experience with her sixth grade teacher as the starting point of positive mentorship in her life, “my sixth grade teacher took a particular interest in me. This attention influenced me to pour all my energy into academics and strive for perfection”. She explains that her teacher gave her some praise for winning a spelling competition and that he provided her with a small gift, which she still has until this day. Her next experience was when she moved with her father after bouncing from shelters and foster homes for years. She explains how she took the opportunity of being new to the school to reinvent herself, but it wasn’t until she decided to join the gymnastic team in tenth grade that she gained another influential adult in her life. She had never been a part of any team and she wanted to be a part of something that she really enjoyed. She had no previous training in gymnastics nor did she know anything about the sport, but her urge to be part of something pushed her to join. It wasn’t until she was referred by a friend to a private instructor that she would meet her next mentor. She went to the instructor knowing that she could not afford it, but once the instructor saw how dedicated she was he allowed her to assist him in the instruction of young children in exchange for free lessons. She spent the next four years helping him and besides the free lessons she also received much emotional support from him. She states that they still maintain contact with each other. Her third mentor was and still is her most influential mentor. Her second semester in college she took a social work class with a particular professor. Her relationship with her professor led to her pursuing a career in social work and obtaining many opportunities through her college years. This professor helped her continue on to graduates studies and they have even published some research together. The bond between them has been so strong that her professor that she was the main source of support through the birth of her son.
The second article was titled “Mentoring Big Questions and Worthy Dreams for Young Adults”. This article is based on how the focus of mentoring should also be placed on the young adults and not limited to just adults in the work place. This article was very interesting to me because it dealt with the issues that some young people face and how mentoring can be helpful to them. It focuses on the fact that young people often have many sources of information that might easily lead them in the wrong directions. It states that often, the youth is lead by sources like the media, to help them find out what their purpose in life is. This article recounts a story about a girl named Sarah whose life was headed in the wrong direction through the experimentation of drugs and alcohol during her college years until she found her purpose through a trip to South America. It talks about how she initially found guidance through religion, but it wasn’t until she took the trip to South America and sat down for a cup of coffee with one of her professors that she truly understood her purpose. Sarah explains to the author while telling her story the following “I think a mentor you can trust is a mentor who doesn’t tell you what to think but invites you into a journey with them and shows you ideas, feelings, realities that you didn’t know before’. This particular story leads to Sarah becoming a less judgmental person and a more observant and considerate person. It also helps her understand that not everything will always have a simple answer or solution and that sometimes the answers will find you.
The third and final article was titled “Reluctant Mentors and Resistant Protégés: Welcome to the “Real” World of Mentoring”. This particular article is based on the relationships of mentors and mentees in the work setting. This article is based on the author’s own personal experience with a negative mentor and her research on work place mentors. It begins with the author’s own experience with her “assigned” mentor. She was assigned to a mentor who did not want to mentor anyone; she recalls her first experience with this mentor. He said to her “I didn’t know I would have to mentor you” and that was the start of her experience. She recalls her only meeting with him and the only advice that he gave her, he said “In this town, there are only two things to do: have sex or eat. So don’t get fat”. This lead to her research at a company where the mentors were either too pushy or the mentees did not want to be mentored because of the lack of trust and relationship. The mentors and mentees could not relate to one another and this lead to failure in the mentoring process. Although the author seemed to have a bias due to her own experience one thing was very clear to me, in order for mentoring to work mentors must be able to relate to their mentees. A bond must be formed before the actual mentoring process can start.
In all, the articles helped me understand several aspects of mentoring. One must build a relationship with their mentee, not only a relationship based on school or work, but lifelong relationships that will help the mentee carry on. One must not be judgmental, but understanding of the situation. Finally one must not impose one’s own views and ways, but walk the path of the mentee in order to comprehend what they are going through. It is very easy for people to give quick advice without truly understanding the needs and concerns of others, but one can only call oneself a mentor when a mentee can go through life making the right choices and decisions because of the guidance that you have provided them with.
During my readings and research, I found some key qualities that a mentor should posses. As a mentor one must learn to be selective in choosing who you will mentor. Many times, people with a natural mentoring ability tend to want to help each and every person that approaches them with a problem. This could be a downfall for mentors. A mentor needs to be selective; they should maximize their potential by prioritizing which mentees need them the most. Often, mentors take on too much at once and this often leads the mentor to become overwhelmed and therefore renders their mentoring abilities ineffective. It is often hard for a mentor to choose who they want to mentor because they often feel that they can help everyone and anyone who seeks them out. This is an important lesson that I have learned in my own mentoring experiences. If a mentor is overwhelmed, his or her mentoring abilities are greatly diminished therefore making their mentoring abilities ineffective. The consequences of an overwhelmed mentor can lead to negative results in the relationship between a mentor and a mentee. A mentor should understand that his or her effectiveness is based on the quality of the relationship between a mentor and a mentee not the quantity. An effective mentor can mentor others through their mentees as long as the relationship is of quality. As much as I hate to admit this, it is important to be able to be selective as a mentor when it comes to deciding who I will mentor.
Another quality that a mentor should posses is the ability to form a genuine relationship between a mentor and a mentee. The relationship must be real and should not be forced. We often like to think that we can automatically form a bond between ourselves and our mentees, but it is important to note that not everyone that seeks you out wants to be mentored. Just because they approach you with a problem, it does not mean that they are going to open up to you. Just like anything that is good in life, it takes time and patience to build a solid bond. Many times a mentee will only let you know what they want you to know. It is important to respect the boundaries that are set and if the mentee feels comfortable with you they will often choose to open up different aspects of their lives. The relationship between a mentor and a mentee must be built based on trust and time just like any other relationship. Once you understand this concept, the mentoring process will evolve with ease.
According to research, “excellent mentors manifest a general personality tendency or interest in caring for younger and less experienced individuals” (Johnson & Ridley, 2004). These qualities are often referred to as generative concerns. According to the authors’ definitions, generative concerns are qualities that cannot be taught or trained, they are qualities that occur naturally, you either have these qualities or you don’t. It is important to understand this because it allows us to better understand what a mentor is. We all have the natural inclination to help others, but we often don’t put those inclinations into action. A true mentor has that natural urge to go above and beyond in order to help those who are faced with difficult life dilemmas.
If you choose to be a mentor, you must make mentoring a way of life. As a mentor you must understand that people are going to be naturally drawn to you. You cannot put your mentoring abilities on hold because at any moment someone could seek you out for advice or guidance. If your call is to mentor others, you must understand that you will be on call twenty four hours a day all year around. You must understand that every moment can be a teachable moment.
So after all the research and readings this leads me back to my original question; how can I cultivate my mentoring capacity in order to have a lasting impact? The answer to this question is not clear; in fact the answers that I have found often lead to more questions. Just a like a crop, we must learn to harvest it, after the crop is harvested we must make the crop productive and useful. We must make a profit and we must plant more crops for the next harvest. Mentoring is an ongoing cycle that if you choose to make it a way of life you can reap the great rewards that come with it. We must understand that the rewards that a mentor gets are not rewards that will come immediately; instead they will come later on in life. The benefits will not directly affect the mentors, but instead they will affect the quality of life of the mentees. Just like the crop of a farmer, the benefits will be directly useful for those who consume the crop. One must understand the key components that make a successful mentor. These components are as follow; make mentoring a common aspect of your ongoing life and work. Remember that if you are drawn to mentoring, you probably have gifts in this area that will be best served by frequent use. Finally, recognize the rich rewards associated with mentoring but take care to protect yourself from becoming overextended (Johnson & Ridley, 2004).
In conclusion, what I have learned through my research is that mentoring is a complex and intriguing process. It requires an individual to be selfless and unselfish. It tests the spirit of a person and it forces you to constantly adapt and change. It is not something that everyone can do and it requires an individual to have a vast knowledge of the society in which we live in. It also requires a person to make mentoring a way of life not just a part time job. It must be something that you are passionate about and it requires you to learn from everything that life throws at you. Most importantly, it requires you to have a lot of patience and not to be judgmental. As I conclude this portion of my research, I look forward to learning more about mentoring in hopes of becoming a well rounded mentor. I know that my quest has just begun and I understand that I will continue to have more life experiences that will lead me to greater knowledge.
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